Lone River "Ranch Water Spicy" Hard Seltzer

Whelp, the last one was pretty bad. I had already bought this, so I'm running with what I have. Will this suck just as much? Will it suck more? Will the addition of something spicy suddenly make this a winner? Any of these can be true. It's possible that it's a different thing entirely that I haven't thought of.

I don't know what I really expected, but this is indistinguishable from the previous beverage based on looks alone. It's a murky water that has no head. The aroma has a hint of jalapeno to it, but the overriding scent is that funky weed. It appears to be mixed with tequila. Overall, I think this has far too much in common with its sibling so far. 

First sip is pretty terrible. The funky weed is on the front end, and the jalapeno hits on the back end where there is nothing to catch it. I've heard these beverages referred to as "crushable," and the previous one might qualify in the right circumstances, but this one does not. It's got very little flavor, and the flavor it does have is not good.

Tip-in is pretty nasty funk with a sickly sweet that doesn't fit in. The middle arrives with nothing but water to add to the taste. The finish is a horrific and unbalanced swirl of nonsense. You know, I don't normally give a 0/5 for anything this side of a coffee beer, but this has gotten into the Hall of Shame. 

Bottom Line: Like licking a cactus.

0.0/5