It's not that having Keanu Reeves in your movie is a guaranteed success, but I've come to like a few of his
movies, so I figured I would give this one a try. You can probably guess that a glowing review of the movie would not start off with an explanation of why I was justified in picking this movie in the first place, and you'd be right. I did not enjoy this movie. It's possible this move was so bad because Eli Roth decided to write, direct, and produce this movie, and very few people can do all three successfully. Eli pulled it off in Cabin Fever (where he also had a bit part) well enough, and then he did it in the increasingly unappealing Hostel series.
We start off with the happy home life of Keanu and his lovely wife Karen (Ignacia Allamand). They have two kids who are pretty much filler for what will pass as Keanu's family, and they will be absent for most of the film. As it is Father's Day, the wife and kids leave dad to go somewhere, and it doesn't matter where. So, stage is set.
While working on architecting a new building while the family is away, two pretty, slutty girls show up at his doorstep with a sob story about being lost and dripping from the downpour. Feeling awkward, Keanu welcomes Genesis (brunette Lorenza Izzo) and her accent-wielding friend with serious daddy issues Bel (blonde Ana de Armas) into his home and gives them towels while they wait for their Uber. Eventually, the sex happens and it is them followed with a serious level of crazy.
Basically, this movie is all about these two wacky, nuts girls and their depraved and seemingly unfocused plan to torture Keanu physically and mentally for a good long while and - probably - kill him when it's all over. It reminds me of the 2007 movie Funny Games where a couple of spoiled psychopaths enter a house and torture the owners in ways that the psychopaths find particularly funny. This is essentially the same thing, but without the tense feeling. Instead, the audience is resigned to Keanu's death pretty quickly, and it's his own damn fault for all of the bad decisions he makes along the way.
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| Laugh! Laugh as if you deserve to live! |
As this is a movie about a man being manipulated by a couple of evil women and tortured and violated, but it's ultimately his fault for not being faithful to his wife, you might assume this is a Lifetime movie. Well, my wife said she definitely thinks this was not a Lifetime movie, as it wasn't good enough. I have to agree. It was slow, and the acting was pretty bad. Even Keanu's acting was really over the top through most of the movie.
Acting was not good
Story was weak sauce
Dialog was very not good
Direction was sloppy
Editing was okay
Bottom Line: If this movie comes knocking, don't bother answering.
0.5/5
