The Amityville Horror (2005)

Remakes are tricky things. I don't want to give anything away, but this remake was just nowhere near what the original was. This wasn't as bad as the shot-for-shot remake of Psycho with the wooden Vince Vaughn and the questionable Anne Heche, but that doesn't mean it was a rousing success. Instead, this movie failed to capture the sheer horror of the original. And when your movie has "Horror" in the title, you have to bring horror.

Instead, we get a very ripped Ryan Reynolds taking off his shirt as often as he can. I don't know how many Ryan Reynolds' films I have seen, but I remember not liking him in a lot of them. I'm really not looking forward to Deadpool, and I SHOULD be looking forward to it. The problem is that I saw the Wolverine movie that his origin was in, and they seriously messed up that character. The Green Lantern movie? Jeebus. Stop ruining things, Ryan!

I don't remember this house being so huge. Maybe it's the porch that makes it look so big, but the house just doesn't look right to me. I know this is me letting my fuzzy memory of the original cloud my judgement, but I'm allowed - it's my review. And another thing - why did they just remake it as a 1970's movie? THAT is what is bothering me so much. Maybe I wouldn't compare it SO MUCH if it wasn't clearly trying desperately to BE the original movie. Just update the sucker and make it modern day - go ahead, we won't be that mad about it, and you can set your own yardstick to measure yourself with.

I'm writing in all caps a lot more than I should. Maybe it's because I really wanted this movie to be scary. I wanted it to be frightening. I wanted this movie to be the original - but done bigger and better. Instead, it is a hollow echo of the original with effects that feel shoehorned in because today's audiences want to see more CG bugs climbing all over people. You know what I want more of? The Babadook. I want a movie that I can enjoy the chaos and panic in. The movies should parallel each other - with Ryan's descent into madness mirroring the mother in The Babadook, but one of them pulls it off, and the other just doesn't.

Michael Bay co-produced this movie, and there's pretty much no Michael Bay 'splosions in it - thank goodness. Instead, I suspect he just mentioned that he liked the original, and they just needed to do a version that was in HD. So, they tried. The director, Andrew Douglas, was pretty much an unknown before, and it's best that he fade back into obscurity as quickly as possible.

Story was good
Dialogue was weak
Acting was okay
Direction was bad
Cinematography was very good

Bottom Line: Not worth the effort it took to watch. I'm going back to watch the original.

1.0/5

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Elysian Dayglow IPA

I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)

The Purge (2013) Security System