Way back in ye olden days, Vin Diesel was a guy who a big group of scruffy, fur-wearing, axe-wielding guys followed into the fray against an evil witch (who we later find out is referred to as the "queen") in the middle of some giant tree (that looks like an evil version of the one from that crappy Hugh Jackman movie) where stuff looks like it's on fire but isn't. So, Vin kills the bad chick, but she curses him with eternal life...
Fast forward to modern day, and we have Vin (now shaven and bald) as a witch hunter. Is the he Last Witch Hunter? Well, I guess. Fact is, we never see any other Witch Hunters in the movie, so I have to suspect that he's the one and only and, therefore, the first and the last. Vin brings his trademark mumble-growl to the front, and he tries to act more than just be an action guy, but he really doesn't do much more than set up the next action scene, and those are fairly few and far between.
Michael Caine once said that he hit a low point in his career when he looked around and realized that he was doing a movie with Steven Seagal. I'm not sure that his career has progressed as far as it should have at this point. I mean, did he read this script first and think, "Yes, I need to add my gravitas to this movie"? Either way, he spends most of the movie not speaking to anyone, and that has to be a pretty easy acting gig. So, I guess it came down to a paycheck, and I can respect that to a point.
Michael plays the liaison to the special secret group in the church that helps Vin find witches and either kill them or bring them in. During the entire runtime of this movie, I think Vin brings in maybe two witches, if you include the guy who appears to be stalking him rather than the other way around. So, not much on the actual hunting front. Witches we have, though. We have the mysterious guy who Vin is hunting, the other guy he catches pretty quickly, some chick on a plane to set things up in the first place, and then we have the lovely Rose Leslie who inevitably becomes his girlfriend.
We're here to kick as and get a paycheck and we'd rather not kick ass. |
Also tossed in here is Michael's replacement liaison, Elijah Wood. He is surprisingly useless as a character, except as a plot device. He has peculiar tastes when it comes to making movies, so it's less surprising that he picked this movie. Still, I just don't know what to think about the choices these people make.
Acting was pretty good
Action was poorly shot
Story was very weak
Dialogue was bland
Direction was not good
Bottom Line: Not scary, not a lot of action, no real adventure, few witches, very little hunting, and nothing but big big stars as a reason to watch this at all.
0.75/5