The Taking (2013)

This is apparently unrelated to the Dean Koontz novel of the same name. In retrospect, I really wish that Dean Koontz book had been made into a movie instead.

This movie is an arthouse, masturbatory charcoal sketch of what an actual horror movie is like. It's not really a movie. I think I've made PowerPoint presentations that had more movement and more coherent storylines. Instead of relying on things like exposition or dialogue, this movie feeds you a series of barely moving scenes and nearly intolerable music/"scary" noise.

There's a story in there somewhere, and there may even be glimpses of acting, but it's really just a wilting pool of nonsense with the occasional lilypad of stark recognition that you, the viewer, are truly wasting huge portions of your life watching crap that was spewed from the mind of art school drop outs who envision their own reality and try to force it on the world as if anything produced by someone who has declared themselves an artist is consequently art.

I think about the crappy Sci-Fi or procedural that might have been made with this budget, and I think the world would have been a much, much better place if we had just one more wooden John Cusack performance or something with Luke Wilson headlining it.

This movie can suck it.
The director can suck it.
The cinematographer can suck it.
The "actors" can suck it.
The screenwriter can suck it.



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