AE: Apocalypse Earth (2013)

There is an error in the title of this article. There HAS to be. There is no way this was made in 2013 to be a serious film of any kind. I honestly didn't even know that Richard Grieco was still alive, but his acting isn't the worst thing on film here. The special effects were pulled from an 8-year-old who found Photoshop and thought that you could draw something neat, then make it move on film by just dragging the image around.

The gun that our hero, the Immortal Highlander, starts with is a blatant fake. It's gun-shaped, if that helps, but we see him manipulating the collapsible stock in a way that demonstrates its Airsoft-quality plastic and inexplicable lightness. We see this when he is forced to stow it while preparing for the long trip back to Earth in hibernation. Don't worry - when the ship crashes, his rifle is laying out in the open, unharmed and loaded for him.

OOO! I would be remiss if I didn't mention the asshole doing the impression of Data. It was like they said:
"Hey, do a Data impression." 
"Do I get any makeup?" 
"Nope. " 
"How will people know I'm an android?"
"Well, you'll tell them, obviously. And then there is the acting."
"But everyone has wooden acting in this movie."
"Okay, I think we had someone else we could get for this role."
"For the same price?"
"Well, he's probably a bit more expensive, but he'll be happy to not live on the street for the next few days."
"Okay, get him."

And, they must have got him. And he sucked, but he was clearly glad to get an acting gig at all.

This movie was a horrific mistake from beginning to end. I was thinking that it was nice to see that Adrian Paul got work, but it really isn't. He would have been better off doing whatever he's been doing since Highlander went off the air and leaving this script to decay in a landfill.

I'm not going to spell out the problems with the movie. Just don't watch it. They named it Apocalypse Earth so that elderly people buying movies for their grandchildren would mistake it for After Earth, the M. Night Shyamalan's most recent movie.



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