Kill for Me (2012)

Let's start off by establishing what we all know - two hot college girls put in a situation having to defend themselves against the evils of ex-boyfriends will inevitably engage in lesbianism. That is a very well-known scientific fact. I'd tell you to look it up, but I'm afraid you might, and that wouldn't do any of us a whole lot of good. Let's just say that Hollywood science is very definitive on this point.

As long as we're all clear on this point, you probably know where this movie is going. The whole movie starts with a girl having already been killed, and we are left to ponder why this might have been. Either way, there is an open room, and two pretty girls need a roommate, and they find one who is troubled and... sexually experimental.

The story has the all-men-are-bad mentality of a Lifetime movie, and women need to bond together to fight them off, even if they go out in a blaze of glory. Well, except for the one guy who is shy and supportive - so he's clearly never seen as a potential mate. The guy on the motorcycle who beats girls up all the time; now THAT guy is a catch!

While it's generally accepted (per science) that all college girls are insane, one of these two has to be more crazy than the other, or we wind up in a kind of psychopathic power struggle. It's better if one is just normal crazy, and the other one is dance-in-the-skin-of-my-enemies crazy. Good news, this movie picked one, and she is a doozy. Neither of them consider logical options most of the time, but the crazier one is simply intent on making matters worse at every turn with a self-destruction that only Jean-Claude Vann Damme's cocaine dealer has ever seen.

Once you accept that stupid people do stupid things, the story progresses as you might expect it to. The turns are fairly predictable, and you walk away from the movie wondering why you even bothered.

1.25/5

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