I survived Ted.

The tale I tell here is for cautionary purposes. You may look at the credits and think, "Hey, Mila Kunis is cool, and Joel McHale? That's a great supporting cast for Marky Mark the occasionally funny guy from Family Guy." Stop thinking that. Just stop.

Ted is a story about a teddy bear that comes to life and is friends forever with the child who owned him. See, it's funny because the boy grows up, and the bear becomes crude and very much not like a child's toy. See? That's funny! Oh, the laughs the writers must have had sitting at the table working tirelessly over the Macbeth-quality script. It's not like you need a second joke! You can just stick with that joke, and it would carry this movie and like four sequels, easy.

Oh, but there IS a second joke.  It's a running gag. Wait for it... FARTS! That's right - the pinnacle of spectacular writing is augmented by the most reliable laughter-generation technique of all time. Anyone who says that this isn't the most spectacular movie ever created does not understand the nuanced writing and understated humor of the next generation of movie producing intellectuals.



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