The Lone Ranger (2013)

Oh, sweet childhood. What would this world be like if Hollywood didn't rape our memories with the likes of Transformers, The Karate Kid, The "A" Team, and this movie? I suppose it is fortunate that this was not a box office success, but I still decided to see it.

This should have been called Tonto. That's not a ding against the direction of the movie, though. If you recall the original Tim Burton Batman, it should more properly have been called Joker. The fact that another character takes over from the title character doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to be bad, but I find it a tad misleading. I mean, look at this box art to the left - they nearly cut the actual ranger off of the picture entirely.

Johnny Depp can certainly carry a movie. He cannot, however, come across as a Native American. Even with the caked on makeup that makes you question how he manages to shave without stripping it off and the big, dead bird that he has on his head that never seems to decay or lose its elasticity when he desires it to be movable, and the stilted English that really seems like just a slow version of Captain Jack Sparrow with fewer "savvys," he's just not pulling it off.

Armie Hammer, who actually plays the role as The Lone Ranger, is entirely forgettable as a human being. He does the basic job of reacting when he should, talking to Tonto when he should, and looking many, but he is really kind of a non-entity. The character just isn't interesting, and I wonder just how much of that has to do with the fact that they got Johnny Depp to play Tonto, and they needed to really play up the sidekick's role.

Hey! A Johnny Depp movie with Helena Bonham Carter! Did you ever think those two kids would ever work together? There are other notable actors in this movie, but I won't bother to note them here. They all do a pretty good job in their respective roles, but no one wants to take the crown of being the center of attention away from Johnny.

This had more comedic elements in it than I was expecting. I enjoyed the respite, but I can't help but think that this really would have been a better movie if it had been done a bit more seriously and included more interesting dialogue and characters outside of Tonto.

Dialogue was sparse and spotty
Story could have been pretty good
Acting was generally very good
Costumes and makeup were great (except for the bird)
Direction was really the issue
Editing was alright - I guess

2.0/5

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